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Assassin's Creed: Orstrarlya
Kevin Khrist
Publisher:
Ubihard
Writer(s)
US release
Smarch 41, -2012
EU release
8.4/Banana/39
Genre:
Timeless Classic
Format(s):
Words and Pictures
Language(s):
Ye Olde Engli
Pages:

[{{{Website}}} Website]

Assassin's Creed: Orstrarlya follows the story of this mad dude from QueeNZland. He was an Assassin who got into politics and went on to do some pretty cool shit and defeat heaps of Templars. SO LET'S BEGIN!

Hheeeerrrrrreee'ss Johnny!Edit

In the time before man, thousands of years ago - in 2006 - the land of Australia was ruled by a wicked tyrant of the Liberal Party, John Howard. Secretly a Templar, Johnny oppressed the citizens of Australia for many years, forcing them to pay taxes as high as 137% to fund the Templar cause. These incredibly high charges brought Australia into a new age of poverty. For centuries, the Templars flourished; they bathed in money and spent thousands of water on luxurious items. However, in 2007, a man was spawned among the fires of the Labor Party, and after being extinguished by the local Assassins' Guild in Bris Vegas, decided to join their ranks and put his unique talents to use, and destroy evil Johnny. His name... Kevin Rudd.

Throughout the year, Kevin 07 - as he was known - journeyed across the country, collecting support, gaining popularity, assembling troops, and building a mighty army. In late 2007, he was ready. The two stood alone at the peak of Mount Kosciusko, their forces could barely be heard from the ground below them. They partook in an epic duel, and after a lengthy 1 hour 12 minute battle, Johnny fell to Kevin 07's blade.

K07 and Johnny

Kevin 07 and Johnny dueling at the peak of Kosciusko. Pay no attention to the building in the background...

The citizens rejoiced, and celebrated the victory of the God-like Kevin 07. It was a victory for Australia, for the Labor Party, and for the secret strength behind the man - the Assassins.

However, this was but the first of a sequence of challenges for Kevin 07 to face. The battle may be over, but the war was just beginning...

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Dawn of The SilvertailEdit

The year was now 2008, and with John Howard slain, the Australian Templars needed to elect a new Grand Master. There could be no better (there were many better) than Malcolm Turnbull, or as he was commonly known - The Silvertail.

Kevin Rudd, now known as Ruddy or K-Rudd with the end of 2007, laughed in the face of this opposition from the Liberals. And rightly so. The Silvertail was a faceless coward; no one knew what he stood for; his ideals, motives, or beliefs were all completely unknown. K-Rudd was leading Australia into a new era of prosperity and peace, the Templars had a weak stance, with little options. They turned to petty wordplay, citing in every speech that K-Rudd should "step down as High King of Australia", though when asked why, The Silvertail could not answer - herp derp. It was a baseless approach, and the Templars were feeling the sting of failure.

Election time was upon them. The mighty Ruddy army of 2007 had suffered minimal casualties in the defeat of John Howard, and so was well prepared for a second battle. The Silvertail on the other hand struggled to gain support, and showed up to the battle with little more than a brick and a piece of string. The Templars had lost all faith in their new Grand Master, and this was evident at this crucial moment, as no one had showed up to aid The foreveralone Silvertail.

The Silvertail Falls

The Silvertail tripping on a leaf. You can't see the leaf because it's so tiny, and the rock is just out of the picture.

In a final minute glimmer of honour, The Silvertail charged into combat, ready to go down swinging. However, this hopeful plan was interrupted when he tripped on a leaf and hit his head on a rock.

The Assassins had lost nothing, and what remained of the Templars' influence in Australia diminished even further. The Assassins began to relax, even letting their guard down, underestimated their age-old rivals. This mistake proved to be fatal, as the Templars were desperate, and when people get desperate, they can be the most dangerous as they pull out all possible rabbits from hats...

Hear No EvilEdit

The Assassin led Labor Party was reaching new levels of success unheard of for centuries; K-Rudd remained an ever-vigilant leader, and the Templars' new Grand Master, Tony "Big Ears" Abbott was facing the same complications as his predecessor, The Silvertail. All was going well, but then disaster struck...

After several months of political victory over Tony Abbott, a sudden change swept across the nation. For some mysterious reason, support for K-Rudd began to fade, and despite all attempts by the Assassins to restore popularity, Ruddy continued along the steady declining path.

Ruddy decided to form a secret task force to investigate the possible causes of this drop. During his early rise to power, Ruddy had enlisted the help of a plucky young woman by the name of Julia Gillard; however, Julia was occupied in some country called Uhmeerikar, teaching English to underprivileged poor/fat people, so was unavailable. Ruddy therefore decided to elect fellow Assassin, trusted colleague, and singer of legendary band, Midnight Oil - Peter Garrett, to the position of task force leader.

Detective Garrett

Detective Garrett ready to solve the case of K-Rudd's downfall.

Codenamed Operation Find Out What The Fuck Is Going On, Peter and his team concluded on two possible reasons. One: the Templars had obtained the mythical Boomerang of Eden rumoured to have been lost to the waters of the Great Barrier Reef, though no trace of such an artifact had ever been located. Or two: there was a mole in the Order. Ruddy instantly dismissed the possibility of a leak, and hence decided to focus on the retrieval of the Piece of Eden.

Peter Garrett and his team of Assassins infiltrated the Liberal Party headquarters beneath the catacombs of the Sydney Opera House hoping to recover the Piece of Eden. Managing to sneak into Big Ears' office, they ransacked the place searching for the artifact, though came up short. Frustrated by this failure, Peter kicked Abbott's chair over, though just as he was about to leave, caught glimpse of a discreet compartment underneath the chair, barely large enough to contain a Scientologist's brain. Peter proceeded to unhook the latch, and made a shocking discovery. No Boomerang of Eden was found, instead, a letter sealed with the Templar Cross; printed on it were the initials "B. R.". Curious, Peter opened it, and read the disturbing revelation held within. Suddenly, Big Ears and a group of heavily armed and legged Templars stormed the trashed office and surrounded the bewildered Assassins. But before Peter could say or do anything, a shadowy figure from the hall stepped into the room, and rendered him speechless...

Smell No EvilEdit

Peter Garrett stood there confused at the site of this person; he couldn't comprehend it. From out of the shadows, emerged a massive nose, then more nose, then a little bit more nose, and so on. Finally, Julia Gillard - Kevin Rudd's right hand woman appeared. Big Ears greeted her as Big Red, the initials "B. R." become clear, it was her Templar code name, and the letter's orders were directed at her. Julia was the true Grand Master of the Templars, and had infiltrated the Assassins many years ago after the Assassins orchestrated the Great Ranga Purge of '74, leaving a trail of bodies from her Ranga bloodkin behind them; she barely survived. Having earned K-Rudd's trust, she was able to tear down the Labor Party from the inside, it was the most successful mole operation since Lucy Stillman's (Australia knew of Lucy’s betrayal a year before it happened because of the timezones - Australia is ahead of most other countries).

This news hit Peter hard, yet things were about to get worse. The Templars had taken his former band mates from Midnight Oil hostage and threatened to kill them if Peter alerted Ruddy of the situation. Peter was blackmailed, and told to report a fake story back to K-Rudd, saying that he had failed to find anything, and due to his incompetence had gotten his team killed. Peter watched helplessly as his team was gunned down before his eyes. Big Red released Peter, and the Templar plot to destroy the Assassins was well underway.

Peter did as ordered, and told Ruddy the phoney story. Infuriated by Peter's colossal failure, he labelled it as an act of heresy, and Peter was excommunicated from the Assassin Order, however retained a lower position in the Labor Party so as to avoid arousing too much public suspicion. With Peter out of the picture, Big Red and Big Ears were in the position to execute the final stages of their big plans.

Big Red & Big Ears

Big Red with her minion, Big Ears, plotting a dastardly future for Australia and the Assassins.

Spreading more lies of K-Rudd among the populace, his support dropped lower than a slut's dignity. Ruddy was still unable to understand why this was happening, and soon the people began to revolt, stating that Julia should replace him. Julia denied all intentions to take over, and ensured Ruddy of her loyalty to him. Ruddy trusted Julia right to the end, and this brought his demise. On one frightful day, she took action and stabbed K-Rudd in the back, creating a revolution among the Labor Party. K-Rudd fell to her savage betrayal, and was severely weakened, unable to fight back from this unexpected blow from the Templars. The two parties were now both Templar controlled; there was little the Assassins could do. Big Red took over as High-Queen of Australia. The golden age of Australia was over, and the brutality of old Johnny was making a comeback. The Empire of Australia fell overnight. Millions of jobs were lost, food and water became scarce, and bodies littered the streets in the ruins of the Old Kingdom. For the following year, Big Red terrorised Australia, and eventually the truth behind K-Rudd's downfall became known. The citizens called upon their once benevolent ruler, requesting a return, however Ruddy and his forces had been crippled by the actions of the Templars, and were in no position to fight back. The people sought out an old ally of K-Rudd - Wayne Swan, however Swany had being locked and chained in Big Red's rape dungeon, and was her sex slave. Outlooks were bleak, there was little anyone could do to change the course the Templars had laid out for Australia.

The Assassins were now in the position the Templars had been several years ago when Ruddy was at his prime - desperate, and nearly out of choices... nearly. A meeting among the highest ranking Assassins was held, and after heavy discussion, debates, and an orgy, concluded that it was time to resort to the final option. Just as the Templars had decided to activate their mole, it was time to activate... The Wombat!

Return of the KingEdit

The Wombat was the codename of an undercover Assassin who had infiltrated the Liberal Party before the time of K-Rudd. His true name was Joe Hockey, and as the second-in-command of the Liberals, he had supplied the Assassins with crucial intelligence to foil Templar plots for many years. But recent events called for the final phase of Joe Hockey's mission, and it was time to destroy the Liberal Party from within. Taking Big Ears out would leave Big Red without an underling to help secure her power and keep the citizens living in fear. This would be the first and most vital step for the Assassins to return Ruddy to power.

K-Rudd & Joe

K-Rudd and Joe discussing their plan of attack... the Assassin way!

Joe received his orders, and began to create turmoil among the party, which distracted Big Ears from his duties to Big Red. This infuriated Big Red immensely, and while the two Templars were fighting among themselves, the Assassins plotted in the shadows. Ruddy got his montage on - "Eye of the Tiger" was blasting, and months of training and preparation were magically shortened to a matter of minutes. In a mirror image of himself from 2007, Ruddy went on a journey around Australia, telling his story, and gaining support, giving him the strength to confront Big Red. Now back with the Labor Party, Ruddy spread the word among his fellow members, and all agreed to aid him in his conquest to defeat his former friend and ally - Big Red, Whore-Queen of Australia. This commotion did not go by unnoticed; Joe Hockey could only do so much without being exposed, and this massive uprising instantly caught Big Red's attention. K-Rudd threw down the gauntlet of challenge to Big Red, who accepted. The combined forces of Big Red, Big Ears, and their minions waged war with K-Rudd and his loyal followers atop Uluru in the dusty red battlefield. Ruddy's army outnumbered Big Red's; in fact, Big Red's was unexpectedly undersized. However, the reason behind this suddenly became clear. As Ruddy charged into battle, over half of his army turned on him, and sided with Big Red. They had all been feigning their allegiance, and Ruddy felt the cold bite of betrayal for a second time. K-Rudd and his remaining forces soldiered on valiantly, yet it was in vein. The surprising loss of the majority of his army proved disastrous for K-Rudd, and among the midst of the combat, Big Red dealt a fatal fireball strike from her hair to the true king. The remaining soldiers surrendered, and gave in to Big Red. The Assassins' plan had failed, and all hope was lost. The heroic Kevin Rudd had fallen, and Australia was left at the mercy of the Templars.

For now...


Author's NoteEdit

I'm betting that didn't end how everyone was hoping/expecting. Well I have a very good reason for that. As you may or may not know, this fantastical story is very loosely based on true events, or at least my understanding of them. Now these events are still unfolding, in fact that last chapter only occurred about a month ago (As of early April, 2012). So what does this mean, you ask? Well it means this isn't truly the end of the story; assuming politics in Australia continues to give me appropriate material (it will) I'll continue to update this story. Hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing and creating the images for it.

Though before I end this, I feel I should make mention of a very interesting message I received yesterday (3 April, 2012). It's from the big man himself - Kevin Rudd, and he would like to congratulate me for creating such a brilliant story. He even sent in this image expressing his satisfaction.

Ruddy Thumb Up

So there you have it folks - Kevin Rudd approves!

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